


A letter I don't intend to give

by Shinenteen



Series: Just randomness featuring Jicheol [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Cheol appreciation fic, Epistolary, Jicheol, Light Angst, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 18:42:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18349481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinenteen/pseuds/Shinenteen
Summary: To someone so dear to me:Sincerely Yours,Lee Jihoon





	A letter I don't intend to give

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be posted on Jicheol day but I was lazy to finish it. Hehe.

**To Someone So Dear To Me,**

It was some time in the misty winter morning. Your skin was glowing with that golden radiance coming form the sun. The way it kissed your pale skin painting you with the kind of color that looks good on you. Seeing you right there, I told myself _God, he's a beauty._

You are indeed a beauty. You may think your are not. But I do. And I'm telling you it's more than physical. 

Oftentimes you'll say ' _eyy_ ,' not really knowing how to react with each compliments thrown at you. You'll divert the topic and tell the people ' _have you seen Mingyu? Mingyu is really good looking', 'I think Jeonghan really suited his hair color?'_ or sometimes you'll go and counter ' _you are the one who's really handsome_ ' and the subject of the conversation will rapidly change from you to them. 

That's how you are and as the time passes, I figured that it was just your habit. 

Other times you are bold enough to say and admit that you, yourself is a beauty but will later take your words back and shy away once you're seconded, ears turning red and will try to create another topic where you will not be the subject. 

When the morning comes and you paddles around the dorm to use the bathroom, i think you're really cute despite you asking what's good about you with your messy hair and morning breath, eyes still fluffy from less than 5 hours of sleep and that groggly walk you're making while rubbing your still closed eyes to ease away your sleepiness- _how adorable._

I also remember you saying you needed to lose weight a couple of many times when I think you weight just fine. How you say you hated the sound of your laugh when I feel butterflies every time I hear it. The way you complain about how pale your skin is and how fat your thighs are when I think they're your best physical asset. 

You are so insecure and you make yourself suffer because of it, even if you aren't aware. What you don't know is that, your complexity in the most simplest ways and your perfect imperfections are so little but they make you you. They compose the complacency of the person who means so much to me. 

It's in your personality that I have also embraced and loved and of course, most of the times, hate. It is a part of you and okay, it is endearing that you're always stepping out to let others shine, always looking out for others, making sure nobody is left behind- so selfless. But I think that you should also give yourself a chance. 

You have those insecurities but I wish you didn't. And while it's your habit to compliment and shoot hearts to others, i just want you give yourself some of those even sometimes. Because you deserve it just like how you think we did. 

Cheol, I want you to see you're worth it that if given a chance, I will trade places with you for a day so you can see yourself the way I look at you. I'd like you to see how I admire you. 

I'd like you to see how beautiful you are. How kind you can be, how those things you call your flaws and past mistakes don't define even the littlest part of you. And also, I'd like you to see how special you are to me, see how you can turn the grey skies to blue dancing with the peeking sun just above the ocean. How those beautiful long lashes flutter against my cheeks every time I lean in for a kiss. The way your cheeks turn pink every time you're embarrass, hiding your face in between your hands. Or the way the black coat hugs your body so elegantly. The way your eyes twinkle when you're really interested in the topic or the way my heart beats every time you look at me, never failing to make me feel how lucky I am just to have you here with me. You got me thinking how blessed I am that in large number of universe and in the longvity of the world, how lucky I am to exist at the same time as you. I want you to take a peek of my point of view and see the amazing things I see in you. 

If I am to decide, I will never want to see you cry. To see those stears staining your cheeks or to hear you sniff that will later turn into muffled sob you're trying hard not to let out. I want to always protect you. To block your ears from the insensitive people who only know how to throw hate, to make you only look at me so you wouldn't see how cruel the world could be. I want to keep you away from the bad things and make you just put your trust on me. Except you didn't want to be someone's burden even that someone is willing and even me. 

I know you want to be strong in front of everybody. To lead us by example and sometimes, when the circumstances called, you are even willing to take the bad things so we won't receive any. I know your job is tough, having the responsibility just above your shoulder weighing an invisible amount of hardships, concealed by your smiles and I'm fines. I know you're breaking every other night asking what ifs, overthinking everything , and even doubting about me. About us. 

I still remember how betrayed and disappointed I felt when you doubted me, questioning why there's still 'we'. 

Remember, it was a very busy day for us and I thought we're okay until you didn't even spared me a glance for three days and ignored the hell out of me? When we were fine before, even had a date a week before despite the packed up schedule we had. After you said how you want to have that 'forever' with me, making out after at the studio couch, moaning my name and telling me how much you need me. Then a day came and everything changed. You just stopped talking to me. I blinked and then there. 

I confronted you and trapped you so you can't avoid the talk I was initiating. But instead of answering my whys, you asked me why am I still sticking with you when there's nothing to even like about you. 

I felt hurt. It's like a stab in my chest but what makes the pain sting more was when I saw you cry and break down. Finally letting out what's eating you up inside, finally having the gut to entrust me your inner demons. The demons that wouldn't let you sleep at night. Those that gives you perturbation. Finally, you let me in. 

In every single words you said, i didn't let pass out both of my ears, I just listened to you while holding your hands so tight never wanting to let you go and wallow on your turmoil alone. You told me how you don't think you're capable of carrying the responsibilities resting in your shoulders.

How you think you're not enough. How you think I deserve better. I felt like crying too so I held you, encapsulating you inside my arms, so you'll feel safe. So no one can hurt you, even yourself. 

Every time that you doubt yourself and feed your insecurities, I feel hurt. The stabs it cause me is triple. Quadruple even. Because you're saying those nasty and stupid things to the person I really love. To the person who is so wonderful and beautiful to me. You're saying it to yourself and that's not even how I see you. I see the contrary. If only you see yourself the way I see you. 

I feel betrayed that you have the audacity to say that to the person who I think is the most amazing. Cheol, just one day, I want you to see how amazing you are. 

You told me how unsure you are that we will still be together after years. How you think I'll get tired of you and your insecurities. That eventually, I'll lose interest in you in no time. 

But I don't think so. That's just absurd.  
If this was just a phase, then why am I still with you? 

Why are you still the one I want to spend my mornings and nights with? Whose smile will always make my breath hitch? The one whom I need? The hands that when I hold, it's a perfect fit? 

Why do I still feel the same butterflies who makes my stomach flutter everytime our eyes meet? Or the ineffable feeling of warmth that swifts me off my feet with the faintest brush of our skins. 

Why do I think you're still the one for me? Scratch that. Why do I think, _you_ are that ONE for me? The only one I'll love, longer than everything. 

I'm just glad we already get passed those dark days and slowly, you took another leap of faith with me and now, stronger than ever, even sharing your burdens with me. Now you've grown to know you have me. 

Cheol despite being bright on the outside, you have a lot of insecurities. But for me, damn you are everything. 

I'm glad you held into me and stopped listening to the voice inside your head that doubts our possibility. 

After all these years. Your presence still screams home. Even now, you're still the one. I still love you and I think I'll never get over this feeling. 

Please never doubt me again. I'm just here. I want to be with you always and forever.

**Sincerely Yours,**

YourJihoon.

 

Jihoon jumped up from his sit inside his studio after a loud bang of the door being open and before he could decipher what the hell is happening, there's a lips applying pressure against his so suddenly he barely had time to respond. 

He pulled out from the kiss when he felt his lungs needed some air having denied of it for a while. 

"What's the matter? Did something happened?" Jihoon is confused and a little worried. 

"You're the only one for me too. " Seungcheol pecked his lips one more time before he grinned, the same beautiful grin that got Jihoon falling like the first time he saw the older, the familiar warmth spreading in his system. 

"I found this." 

"Wha- WHERE? YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SEE THAT!" Jihoon is beyond shock when he saw the letter he wrote not so long ago and hid it somewhere he thought no one would see but why is it sandwiched between Seungcheol's fingers? 

"Im not? But I've already seen it." Fuck. He looks so cute pouting like that. I want to kiss. And with that, Jihoon followed his instinct. 

"Sorry. I didn't know you felt that way." Sengcheol said after the sweet kiss they just shared. He felt bad. Yes those dark days Jihoon said in his letter happened a little long time ago. He hurt Jihoon even without him realizing it nor being aware of the consequences of his deadly thoughts andactions. He felt bad. 

"It's nothing now. We're okay." Jihoon flashes a smile. He knew the dark days are over. Look at them now, they beat the odds _together_. 

"Don't worry. I'm here now."

"I love you, Ji." Seungcheol flashes him one bright smile making him feel how thankful the older is to him. And he beamed back, just so the former know how happy he makes him feel. 

"I love you Cheol. You're the only one." 

It's simple. Those words are not strange to both of them. Like how the notes in every song he wrote match the rhymes of Seungcheol words. It's an old book they have read again and again but still, those three-letter words bring them warmth; the familiarity and the sparks that dance along the butterflies residing in their stomachs. 

Stronger than ever, _they made it._

 

**Author's Note:**

> Actually, this is just the things I want Cheol to see. I just love the man so much.


End file.
